Investigating Infidelity - "How Do I Prepare For The Worst?"
Anderson & Co Surveillance & Private Investigations
When you hire a private investigator because you suspect your partner is being unfaithful, it can be daunting. Sometimes reports conclude that there is nothing to worry about. However, for many cases it is found that the gut feeling of things 'not adding up' is correct and the impact of this outcome can be challenging, painful and extremely tough to navigate.
Learning the truth is hard, but something you need. Therefore, it is better to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
A private investigator will listen and provide you with answers, but what will you do with those answers after?
Have a plan
Not everyone's situation will be the same, but there are some key questions you might find useful to answer for yourself in advance.
- If the report comes back with proof that my partner is being unfaithful, what will I decide to do next?
- How will I approach or confront my partner/spouse?
- Is it safe to leave? How can I ensure my safety?
- Do I have a reliable support network at the ready?
Practical preparation is just as important as mental preparation. If you have finances and/or children to consider, you can research legal advise to see where you stand.
Mental preparation
Regardless of if you leave or stay, set healthy boundaries.
Everyone will have their different ways of processing and coping after finding out about a betrayal in their relationship.
Support networks consisting of family, friends and mental health professionals can be vital. If you decide to end the relationship, do you have a place you could stay? Think of what you could do with your time.
Knowledge isn't just power; it can be empowering. It may be an upsetting time, but eventually being able to discover yourself in a positive way will feel freeing.
Are you trauma bonded?
Trauma bonds occur when you are emotionally attached to someone who has put you through cycles of abuse, manipulation and upset, with the occasional reward of affection and love. All of this makes it harder to break ties and end the cycle. Many people end up making excuses for their partners behaviour, even in infidelity cases, because of the occasional affection and promise to change.
If you believe you struggle with this and feel unable to successfully create healthy boundaries on your own, getting in-touch with a mental health professional to help guide or support you could be beneficial.
Counselling is available privately or through the NHS (request through GP) in the UK. There are also mental health charities and domestic abuse hotlines where you can confidentially speak to someone and/or ask for professional support.
National domestic abuse helpline- Refuge: (0808 2000 247) are available 24/7 in the UK.
Trauma, abuse and trauma bonding are not just specific to women, it can happen for anyone.
Read our article- Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist - for further relatable information.
Worried about safety?
Depending on your situation it could be better to confront infidelity findings outside of your private spaces to reduce the risk of compromising your wellbeing and safety. Having someone else with you that you trust is sensible too.
If you feels threatened or worried that your safety could be compromised over time, Anderson & Co offer Protective Surveillance. This is the process of using a team of people to keep a client safe from harm in the most unobtrusive, non-invasive way possible.
In summary
A private investigator will provide you with the answers you need to enable you to make the best decision for you. The impact of infidelity can evoke, anger, fear and long lasting trust issues- all of which are very valid emotional responses. How you decide to respond us ultimately up to you. However, planning and preparing for the worst in advance will better equip you with clear set responses, decisions and boundaries to put in place during a time where you will be highly emotionally driven.
Consider your safety and make choices accordingly. Do not hesitate to ask externally for emotional support and guidance. Trust issues can cause problems in potential future relationships over time, so its good to be mindful of this. Trust, once broken, takes time to build back up.
Separation of a relationship is an end of an era but can lead to the start of something far better.
Please don't hesitate to get in touch if you feel our services would be beneficial for you. A list of services we provide are available on our website home-page.
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