Cheating, Gaslighting and Narcissism

Anderson & Co Surveillance & Private Investigations

Gaslighting is a process where one person in a relationship controls and manipulates the other by distorting their sense of reality and their memories. They will convince the victim that they are "imagining things", "remembering events incorrectly" or even "crazy".


More often this takes place in romantic relationships. Especially when there is a significant difference with the power of each partner. Such as when one person brings in significantly more income than the other.


Usually Gaslighting is used to control the other person, cover up lies or an affair and is considered a form of emotional abuse.

 

Cheating Partners

When one partner is cheating in a relationship there are always tell-tale signs of the affair. Late nights, changes to their routine or demeanour and hidden messages.


Often these changes will be noticed and potentially challenged by the innocent member of the couple.


Where were you? Or, who are you calling? These are not unusual questions and probably not even invasive in a long term relationship, if one partner is acting differently.


In the majority of cases the person having the affair will lie at this point, which may or may not be believed depending on how good the lie is.


However if the guilty party is a manipulative person they may "gaslight" their partner at this point to cover up their lies.

 

Is There A Gaslighting Personality?

Certain personality types are significantly more likely to engage in this tactic. Such as someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder

This can be individuals of either sex, although more likely to be men, which show a high sense of self importance, erratic or fluctuating emotions and who are obsessed with power and prestige.


It is important to note that this behaviour is meant to stem from severe low self esteem. 


Characteristics:

  • Initially charming.
  • A need for admiration.
  • Lacking in empathy for others or animals.
  • Feeling superior to others with an inflated sense of their own achievements.
  • Having a fragile ego which results in aggressive outbursts when they cannot get their own way.
  • Dismissing the intelligence or competency of others.
  • Obsessing over those they view as having power or prestige.
  • Not wanting to try new things for fear of embarrassment or defeat.
  • Showing jealousy and believing others are jealous of them.

 

How Can You Spot Gaslighting?

 There are two significant ways that you can identify if you are the victim of narcissistic gaslighting.


The first is spotting the manipulative behaviour patterns from your partner. The second is the affect that it has on you.


To spot the behaviour patterns you need to ask yourself whether you have been treated in certain ways on a reasonably regular basis:

 

  •  They try and isolate you.
  • Being told that you could not last or survive without them or that your current life relies on them.
  • They do or say things to prevent you having a social life outside of them.
  • They belittle your previous accomplishments and make it sound like you could not achieve anything yourself without them. Often this abusive behaviour can be disguised as 'jokes' or 'banter'.
  • They act as if they are concerned about you and your mental health.
    They lay the groundwork for you to believe that your feelings are not to be trusted by asking about your state of mind.
  • They point out times when you may have mis-remembered things and then re-enforce that it is one of your 'traits'.
  • If you try to get proof they insist that it is a sign of paranoia or mental health problems.
  • They remember things 'differently' to you.
  • They deny something that you thought was true but will not accept that you remember it differently.
  • They become angry or aggressive if you insist on your version of events.
  • They dismiss how you feel.
  • They say that you are fragile or over sensitive.
  • They lack any empathy with how you are feeling.
  • The events in your life are not considered as important.

What Affect Will Gaslighting Have On You?

  • You are a lot less self confident and more anxious than you used to be.
  • Your memory does not seem reliable to you and how you feel about people changes.
  • You apologise to everyone more often.
  • You question whether you are a good enough partner and whether you deserve to be in the relationship.
  • Things always feel like they are your fault.
  • Always making excuses for your partner's behaviour such as talking about the 'pressure' they are under with work.
  • You are more isolated from your family or old friends.
  • You struggle to make decisions by yourself and frequently defer to your partner when asked to make a decision.
  • Not enjoying things that you used to.


 

How To Deal With Gaslighting


Collect Evidence

Having solid evidence is key as neither party can then refute it. Do not let your partner find the evidence in case they try to destroy it.

Evidence will be the only way that you can prove to yourself that you are in a Gaslighting relationship.


  • Print or take pictures of suspicious messages. You can refer back to these when you start to doubt yourself.
  • Consider surveillance on your partner if you think they are cheating. Photographic evidence is hard to deny.
  • Write down what you think happened and how you felt in situations where you disagreed or were experiencing conflict. Refer back when you start to doubt yourself. Record the dates and times.

 

Deal With Your Anxiety


If you have been the victim of gaslighting then you will have a lot of anxiety. However anxiety from other sources can also cause you to mis-remember things or be over sensitive.


This is one of the reasons that this type of manipulation tactic works so well, as you can never be really sure in your own emotions simply as a result of building anxiety. The chances are that you actually will have mis-remembered something or been over-sensitive at some point due to the pressure.


These negative emotions create more negative emotions and the situation becomes a vicious cycle.


Therefore dealing with anxiety is something that you need to address specifically. Fortunately there are a good number of ways of doing this.


  • Meditation
  • Mindfulness
  • Visit A Councillor
  • Reduce Caffeine Or Alcohol Intake
  • Improve Your Diet
  • Exercise Regularly

 

Involve Other People


  • Re-engage with your friends and try to get back to the hobbies and pastimes that you used to do. Being around the people you knew before will help you feel more like yourself.
  • Ask your close friends about how they remember situations if you feel like your memory is doubted. Be prepared that they may have little or no recollection of events which you regard as being very significant.

 

Where Does The Term Gaslight Come From?


Gaslight comes from a stage play and later several films which all centre around an abusive relationship where a husband manipulates his wife into going insane to cover up his criminal activity.


It was written by British playwright Patrick Hamilton and is set in Victorian era London.


The most famous of the film adaptations was released in 1944 and starred Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer and Angela Lansbury.New Paragraph

If you would like to know more about how surveillance can help you gather evidence then please visit out Matrimonial Surveillance Page

Matrimonial Surveillance

By Daniel Smith 10 Nov, 2023
The Role Of Social Media Within UK Investigations.
By Daniel Anderson 15 Oct, 2023
Surveillance, People Tracing & Background Check Cost...
By Daniel Anderson 18 Aug, 2023
The Use Of Drones in Modern Day Surveillance And Investigations. We were out before the crack of dawn this morning carrying out a recce of a rural location in the Birmingham area, so as that we can conduct surveillance in the area, and safely over the coming weeks (yes Birmingham also has rural parts believe it or not). As I was driving back to the office, and stuck in that early morning, Birmingham city centre traffic, I thought, I know, I will write today's blog on the use of drones within the Private Investigations sector. So, here we go..... Technology has always played a pivotal role in unravelling mysteries and gathering crucial evidence for Private Investigators. The latest addition to a private investigator's toolkit is the drone—a sophisticated airborne tool that has revolutionized the field of surveillance and security over recent times. With their ability to provide a bird's-eye view, drones have quickly become an invaluable asset for private investigators, enhancing our capabilities and redefining the way investigations are conducted. The Rise of Drones in Private Investigation: Drones, also known as unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs), have rapidly gained prominence in various industries, from filmmaking to agriculture. The private investigation sector has also embraced this technology due to its ability to access hard-to-reach areas and capture footage from unconventional angles. Equipped with high-resolution cameras, GPS tracking, and advanced manoeuvring capabilities, drones have changed the landscape of surveillance. Benefits of Drone-Assisted Surveillance: Enhanced Visuals: Drones provide a unique vantage point that is otherwise impossible to achieve. Investigators can capture high-definition imagery and video footage from above, helping to monitor subjects, locations, or events more effectively. Flexibility and Versatility: Drones can navigate through tight spaces, follow subjects discreetly, and switch between different locations rapidly, making them ideal for tracking movements or surveilling areas that are challenging to access on foot. Reduced Risk: In situations where physical surveillance may put investigators in harm's way, drones offer a safer alternative. They can monitor hazardous environments, dangerous individuals, or remote locations without exposing investigators to unnecessary risks. Cost-Effectiveness: Traditional surveillance methods often involve a team of investigators and extensive resources. Drones, on the other hand, require fewer personnel and can cover larger areas in less time, reducing operational costs. Real-Time Monitoring: Some drones allow for live streaming of footage, enabling investigators to monitor events as they unfold. This real-time access can be crucial for making quick decisions or adjusting the course of an investigation. Leading | Established | Award Winning Applications of Drone-Assisted Investigations: Cheating Spouse Investigations: Private investigators can use drones to monitor a subject's movements discreetly, capturing evidence of infidelity or suspicious behaviour in areas where we may not be able to access via vehicle or foot. Insurance Fraud Detection: Drones can provide visual evidence of property damage, accident scenes, or injury claims, helping insurance companies combat fraudulent claims. Corporate Espionage Prevention: Businesses can utilize drones to secure their premises, monitor unauthorized activities, and protect sensitive information. Legal Case Support: Drones can capture critical evidence, such as accident reconstruction, crime scenes, or environmental violations, that can strengthen legal cases. Missing Persons Search: Drones equipped with thermal imaging cameras can aid in locating missing individuals, especially in rugged and rural terrains or areas with poor visibility. Birmingham | London | Manchester Ethical and Legal Considerations: While drones offer remarkable advantages, their use in private investigations raises ethical and legal concerns. Invasion of privacy, trespassing, and surveillance without consent are issues that need careful consideration. Private investigators must adhere to local UK laws, regulations and licensing, governing drone use, obtain necessary permissions, and respect individuals' rights. As is always the case we must ensure that any evidence gathered is admissible in a UK court of law, and therefore it is especially important we adhere to all of the above and not break any laws! Conclusion: As technology continues to evolve, the world of private investigation evolves with it. Drones have opened new possibilities for private investigators, enabling them to gather crucial evidence, enhance surveillance, and overcome challenges that were once insurmountable. However, the responsible and ethical use of this technology remains paramount, ensuring that the benefits of drone-assisted investigations are harnessed while respecting individual rights and legal boundaries. The sky has truly become the limit for private investigators who seek to unravel the truth from above. If you want to know how may be able to assist you, do not hesitate to get in touch. We are always on the end of the phone and happy to advise. Dedicated | Diligent | Discreet
By Daniel Anderson 14 Aug, 2023
The Role Of Private Investigators: In the modern corporate landscape, the issue of fake employee sickness has become a growing concern for businesses of all sizes throughout the UK. It costs companies ten's of millions of pounds every year and effects companies of all sizes. While the majority of employees genuinely require sick leave to recover from illnesses, there are instances where some might misuse this privilege. There are some instances where an employee may not be sick at all. This phenomenon not only affects productivity but also creates an environment of mistrust within the workplace. To combat this, many companies are turning to private investigators throughout the UK to uncover instances of fake employee sickness. We have seen a huge demand in such cases, more so throughout the last two years, post pandemic! Leading | Established | Award Winning In this blog, we delve into the world of employee sick leave fraud and explore the crucial role that private investigators play in detecting and gathering evidence of such deceitful practices. Understanding the Impact of Fake Employee Sickness: Fake employee sickness involves employees falsely claiming to be ill in order to take unplanned time off from work. This not only affects the overall productivity of the company but also disrupts team dynamics, strains resources, and can lead to resentment among colleagues who have to shoulder extra responsibilities. It will often be a financial drain too. Common Signs of Employee Sick Leave Fraud: Detecting fake sick leave can be challenging, as some employees are skilled at feigning illness. However, certain patterns and behaviours might indicate fraudulent claims. These include frequent Monday or Friday absences, unverified medical certificates, inconsistent symptoms, and a history of similar patterns. We find with most of our cases reports of fraudulent claims usually come from within, where one employee has gotten wind of it and then reported the 'rumours' to the hierarchy above. Dedicated | Diligent | Discreet The Role of Private Investigators - What can we do? Private investigators bring a specialized skill set to the table when it comes to uncovering fraudulent sick leave claims. We use a combination of surveillance, background checks, and investigative techniques to verify the authenticity of an employee's claim. This might involve discreetly observing the employee's activities during their alleged sick leave, cross-referencing medical documentation, and interviewing colleagues to gather evidence and intelligence. More often than not a few days surveillance with photographic evidence to go with, usually does the trick. Evidence provided can then then be used to proceed with an instant dismal if the employee is found to be making fraudulent claims about their health and mobility. We have also had cases where our client has taken legal action against the employee to recover salary paid long term under the illusion of being sick and incapacitated. Balancing Employee Privacy and Fraud Detection: While it's important to protect the company's interests, it's equally crucial to respect the privacy of employees. Private investigators must conduct our activities in compliance with legal and ethical guidelines to ensure that we do not infringe upon an employee's rights. Striking the right balance between fraud detection and employee privacy is a delicate task. We must however ensure all our evidence is proof beyond reasonable doubt and admissible in a UK court of law if required. Prevention and Creating a Trustworthy Environment: To discourage fake employee sickness, companies can implement preventive measures. These include clear sick leave policies, requiring medical certificates for extended absences, and fostering a workplace culture where open communication is encouraged. By creating an environment of trust and transparency, employees are less likely to resort to fraudulent practices. In conclusion, fake employee sick leave poses a significant challenge to modern businesses. The role of private investigators in uncovering such deceit cannot be underestimated. By utilizing their skills and techniques, companies can maintain a productive workforce while fostering an environment of trust and accountability. However, it's vital to ensure that all investigations are conducted within legal and ethical boundaries to protect both the company's interests and the rights of the employees. If you suspect an employee may be fraudulently claiming sickness, don't hesitate to get in touch with our Birmingham based office to see how we my be able to help you. London | Birmingham | Manchester
By Daniel Anderson 12 Aug, 2023
The Sad Truth And Reality! 
By Daniel Anderson 11 Aug, 2023
Unveiling The Layers Of Background Checks In The UK....
By Daniel Smith 11 Aug, 2023
The 5 Most Common Myths, Debunked! Private Investigators are like the ones in the movies..... I wish, wouldn't that just be super cool? Contrary to popular belief and portrayals in movies and TV shows, Private Investigators don't always engage in thrilling, high-speed car chases and dangerous stunts. Our work, for the most part, involves lot's of research, static surveillance and documentation. A typical surveillance day may start before dawn, and then include a two hour drive to the job. Then eight, ten or twelve hours carrying out surveillance, with a two hour drive home, depending on where the surveillance concludes. In some cases we may end up two, or three hours further away. Sometimes we may end up closer to home. We then need to get home, download the footage and compile and in-depth and legally binding report for the client. It can often be the early hours of the morning before it's "lights out", only to wake up and do it all again a few hours later..... An eight hour surveillance job can very easily become a fourteen or fifteen hour day, from start to finish. That eight hours of surveillance may be completely static, watching someone's front door. It may be a mobile job that requires mobile surveillance throughout both urban and rural areas. It may require foot surveillance via way of public transport. It may even require a mix of all of the above. Take into account the good old British weather too, January, February time, it's dark, wet and miserable...Need I say anymore.... We do encounter those job's that may get the endorphins going, but in truth, they are few and far between and nothing like the latest James Bond movie, quite the opposite infact! Dedicated | Diligent | Discreet Private Investigators have unlimited access to information...... The term "unlimited" I would suggest is a slight exaggeration. We have access to private systems and databases that allow us to obtain data. We have to be vetted to use these databases and pay a large premium for doing so - it is not cheap! A common myth is that we can hack into phones. This cannot be done remotely, and if it could, it would be highly illegal. Wouldn't that be great though, if we could, we would never have to leave home or Birmingham office and would simply obtain everything we need by magically pressing a button that would allow us instant access to a subject's phone, wherever they may be throughout the UK.....There wouldn't be many of us left though, as we would all be serving time at His Majesty's pleasure....I talk about this a lot, if any company is offering this service, please, run a mile, you may as-well throw your money out the window. They may sound very believable, and dazzle you with lot's of technical jargon, but I can assure you, it will be a scam! Any data we obtain, whether it be for a very basic trace or a more in-depth background check is done so legally and ethically, and within the law. Every document we produce, we do so with the view of it being potentially used for legal proceedings, and therefore being admissible in a UK court of law. A large part of the data obtained is also done via OSINT methods. OSINT stands for Open Source Intelligence and is the act of gathering and analysing publicly available data for intelligence and investigative purposes. It's important to remember, whatever we do we must follow and adhere to legal and ethical guidelines! Leading | Established | Award Winning We can break the law...... Professional and legitimate Private Investigator companies should always adhere to the law. Although the industry is still unregulated, we have guidelines and processes that we must adhere to. The Regulation of Investigatory Act 2000 , also known as RIPPA is one of the main acts/guidelines that we must adhere to. It essentially governs the use of covert surveillance by public (and undercover bodies). For example, we can't film through people's windows, we can't climb a tree in someone's back garden and sit there snapping away, we can't sit on someone's private property and film without consent, we can't film or deploy devices under doors, or through letter boxes, we can't gain access to someone's house or vehicle without their consent. It may all seem like common sense, but believe me, we take enquiries almost daily where the client expects the above....I'll perhaps do another blog at a later date that is specifically orientated around the law, what we can and cant do, and the grey areas we often fall into (vehicle tracking being one of those). Essentially we cannot engage in anything that may be deemed illegal - trespassing, invasion of privacy, harassment, hacking, wire tapping to name a few. Filming in the public domain, covertly or overtly without breaching any of the above is absolutely fine and most professionals who work within the industry are able to do so in order to obtain the evidence required.  London | Birmingham | Manchester We always wear disguises...... There is actually a small element of truth in this. Disguises may be used and worn occasionally, but most of the time, investigators prioritize blending into the surroundings to gather information discreetly. We often think about where we are going and the local demographic in that area. For example, if I am on a surveillance job in the back streets of Stoke-on-Trent, with a good possibility of a foot follow into the local shopping centre, I will dress very differently to a surveillance job that I am on in Central London, where the subject is thought to be dining at the Bulgari Hotel, or the likes of. It all boils down prior planning, and having that knowledge and experience to be able to adapt and dress according to the situation and location. Of course, there may be times when we have been following a subject all day, and we then need to change our appearance. Caps, glasses, change of top or shoes usually does the trick and can be done if carried in a 'go bag'. Most Private Investigators will also have a box of 'props' in their car. These may be used for door knocks or tricky Op's where we simply can't plot up discreetly and covertly without giving anyway exposure..... Have you ever wondered, is that guy sat on that grassy area at the edge of the village really carrying out a traffic survey...... Local | National | International The work is glamourous..... This is generally not the case. I would say 'interesting, demanding and stressful' would be better fitting adjectives to use. Investigative work involves a lot of patience, research and documentation. It involves long periods of time being sat still and often alone, in silence. It is certainly not as glamourous as it is portrayed in the media and on television. In some instances we may be starting work before dawn, we may be working through the night and in risky areas. Take into account the weather too. When it's 35c and your sat in your vehicle that has now turned itself into a sauna. We can't just start up the engine and turn the AC on. We of course have fans and cool boxes filled to the brim with cold drinks and ice, but at best, that just makes it ever so slightly more bearable. The same in winter when it's -5c outside. Although I personally find it easier to keep warm when it's cold, as opposed to trying to cool down when it's ridiculously hot. It can have an affect on one's health too. I look fifteen years my senior and carry a few extra pounds through the many thousands of hours sat on the back seat of my car. You'll be doing well if you can find a surveillance operative who is in tip top condition and looking anything other than 10 years his or her senior - I think most in the industry will agree..... Remember, Private Investigators play a vital role in various fields, often working diligently behind the scenes to gather accurate and reliable information within the boundaries of the law. As I mentioned above, it is vitally important that all evidence produced is done so legally and therefore admissible in a UK court of law. It's also important to remember that there is time involved with planning every investigation. Often several hours prior to an investigation starting, and then travelling to and from the investigation start and finish location, along with client updates and calls and then the compiling of the evidence via way of report once home, which, depending on the size of the investigation and amount of footage obtained can often take between three and four hours, without any hiccups....If you're booked in for the next day, it's lights out, usually in the early hours, to wake up several hours later and do it all again! The price quoted for any job should reflect all of the above too. If someone is quoting you a days surveillance for the price of a pair of new trainers, are you really getting all of the above? Are you getting a professional service, probably not! Likewise, if you are being quoted many thousands of pounds for a day or two's investigation, find out why, ask for a breakdown of costings! Anyway, I'm going slightly off topic here. To summarize, the public perception and reality of the Private Investigations industry are worlds apart. I could probably write twenty common myths, but with blog writing not being my forte, I will happily leave it at that! I hope this gives a small insight into the daily goings on. Private Investigations is not so much a job, but a way of life!
Private investigation
By Dan Anderson 28 May, 2022
Private Investigators are still not regulated in the UK and therefore there is no law that states how they should conduct business or which bodies they have to register with. You have to know that you can trust an investigator if you are going to allow them access to your lives or business.
Vehicle Tracking Birmingham
By Dan Anderson 20 Apr, 2022
GPS Vehicle Tracking in Birmingham & Manchester. Professional Vehicle Tracking using GPS in Manchester, Birmingham & the UK.
Private Investigators Manchester
By Daniel Anderson 09 Feb, 2022
Catfishing is when someone creates a fake identity using stolen pictures and false information. An important part of what defines catfishing is that it is entirely online.
More Posts
Share by: